Where The Heart Is

Today was fairly colorful in its lack of actual schedule. It is the last day of Fall Break. No, I did not accomplish any of the work that I had set out for myself. I barely started my essay due for my gender class and I'm not sure that I really care. What a rebel I am capable of being, eh? I watched the Giants v. Browns game last night. For a decent while the Giants were behind by 6, which was just enough to keep Brad's housemate, Justin, filled with hot steam and explosive anger towards his alliance team and the state of the game. I pray for people who make sports their God. Man or not, when you're emotions get too involved, you are in desperate need of repentance. You should for no reason need to wipe tears from your face because a group of men you do not know could not run a field, four bases, or a rink.

The game left me especially tired and I conked out around midnight. I woke up this morning around 9am and got straight to work. I resent my lack of a devotional time throughout the day, but I must say that God was definitely present in all of my activities. Lately, I have been bombarding myself with just thoughts of the amount of work I have to do instead of the work itself. It's a bad childhood habit that leaves an overabundance of anxiety. I set my mind on some goals and hammered them out:

1) Finish a long-overdue website
2) Hash out some words for my paper
3) Do the laundry

The laundry was a long and difficult feat. I had been stuffing my clothes inside of my hamper for so long that it was really two loads worth. I scrambled for a sufficient amount of quarters that would satisfy the charge for being so irresponsible. In the process of washing, drying, folding, and waiting, I managed to lock myself out of my apartment. I'm always reluctant to pass by my superintendent's office just because he likes to talk and I don't. This situation, however, was unavoidable. After a silent conversation with myself once I realized that behind me was a locked door I closed with no house key at my waist, I mustered up the patience and energy to ask Steve, my super, for his custodial resources. To my joy he sent another man whom I was unfamiliar with to remedy the situation and he killed two birds by tinkering with my shower drain which has never swallowed water quite well. His efforts hardly made a dent, but I appreciate his kindness. I held back my true feelings as an act of sportsmanship; I can live with a faulty drain. All I have to do is ask a friend of mine to recite a missions-related anecdote and *poof* i'm totally grateful.

I completed all of my other tasks with ease and rewarded myself in the middle with brunch and I started watching Fullmetal Alchemist. I was on an odd quarter-life crisis bit towards the end of last year and went on a anime-purchasing rampage in response to my high school reminiscence. This semester I had been re-watching Cowboy Bebop: a true, classic, innovative, and beautiful anime that I would recommend to anyone any day. As I viewed it, the stories and lessons became so much more real and I felt the same feelings in my gut that I felt freshman year of high school. Ah, my friends, my ideas, and my situations. At any rate, it entertains me. I despise television and with an exception of watching the 1st and half of the 2nd season of Heroes, I haven't really sat in front of a television intently since Jesus stepped into my life. It just doesn't help at all. It's not a belief or style of living I force on anyone. It's personal. Of course, with this new interesting love for the NFL, this may change a little. I don't mind appreciating the physical feats accomplished by the human body though. If I ever get over-emotional over a team of people, knock me out quickly.

After all of my work was done, I figure I'd get started on a game called Assassin's Creed. I barely started it and remembered that I threw down $30 to entertain myself so I decided that today I would milk it. Just as I opened the DVD drive of my desktop to begin a mission, Marcos texted me saying "come over :)".

I had to. It's Marcos. You don't pass opportunities like that up.

I arrived as he was in the midst of composing a multi-flavored Ramen concoction for supper. As he ate it in front of me, I couldn't help but allow my attention to split. He was explaining to me the types of blessings and annoyances he experienced at a church leadership conference he attended in Hotlanta. And as I was following I couldn't refrain from thinking to myself "That Ramen looks so good. How dare you not offer me some!" I pretended I was eating it as I helped myself to Sean's second-rate cup noodle substitute. It was hurt.

I have a propensity to let my mind wander in the background when people are talking about events that have nothing to do with me. But I've really been feeling the Spirit these days and He's been tugging on the coat tails of practical change. One aspect of change I want to pursue is more attentively paying attention to my brothers and sisters as they teach and share. Marcos shared beautiful stories with me that I will expand on at some other time. I can't explain the thoughts of encouragement and praise I had fluttering around in my head.

The conversation continued upstairs in his room as we watched some Resurgence videos on the church. We had an interesting conversation on literature, the "emergent" v. "emerging" church and Christ's love on a macro v. micro level. These talks were less discursive than I thought they would be. I think I'm getting better at keeping discussions as discussions and not unhealthily involving my pride and intelligence. I was talking with my brother about matters that on judgment day really don't matter, but are relevant and interesting to discuss. I have a friend who refrains from discussing a lot and usually stays really silent when it comes to subjects like these even though he studies a great wealth on it daily. I've adopted his fondness of silence, but I'd really like to let a bit of it go because it can often just turn into idle stubbornness. Talking ideas about God out with brothers is so imperative; that is one reason why we have brothers. Another reason is confession which is not something I'm about to let my mind race about tonight. Some subjects really don't deserve the time of day to be talked about and a lot people dwell on/argue about useless jib-jab surrounding God. Sometimes silence allows better insight into just how stupid a conversation can get and it can reveal how much better it would be to stay out of it. So I could not condone either side. Like anything in this walk with God, find that fair shade in the gradation between the left and right wing where your true heart is.