Equally Skilled

How miserable I am
I feel like a fruitpicker who arrived here after the harvest
There's nothing here at all
There's nothing at all here that could placate my hunger

The godly people are all gone
There's not one honest soul left alive here on this planet
We're all murders and thieves
Setting traps here for even our brothers

And both of our hands
Are equally skilled
At doing evil
Equally skilled
At bribing the judges
Equally skilled
At perverting justice
Both of our hands
Both of our hands

The day of justice comes
And is even now swiftly arriving
Don't trust anyone at all
Not your best friend or even your wife

For the son hates the father
The daughter despises even the mother
Look! Your enemies are right
Right in the room of your very household

And both of their hands are equally skilled
At doing evil
Equally skilled
At bribing the judges
Equally skilled
At perverting justice
Both of our hands
Both of our hands

No, don't gloat over me
For though I fall, though I fall
I will rise again

Though I sit here in darkness
The Lord, the Lord alone
He will be my light

I will be patient as the Lord
Punishes me for the wrongs
I've done against Him

After that He'll take my case
Bringing me to light and to justice
For all I have suffered

And both of His hands are equally skilled At ruining evil
Equally skilled
At judging the judges
Equally skilled
Administering justice
Both of His hands
Both of His hands are equally skilled
At showing me mercy
Equally skilled
At loving the loveless
Equally skilled
Administering justice
Both of His hands
Both of His hands

We're all murderers and thieves: setting traps here for even our brothers. I think a lot about the path I've been walking down this year. The path I either had with God or the path I had when I strayed off by some distraction. I've had brothers who set traps for me...told me false truth, challenged me to sin or feel less about myself...as if that weren't an issue already. I've been scarred by trying to seek refuge in my brothers in Christ. I didn't think that the segment of scripture went: "When two or more gather, you will leave struggling with your sin of pride more than when you came in."

But one thing I've realized is that you can't blame it on the person or their character as much as just sin itself. There's no point in getting frustrated with it each time it comes around as if you didn't know what it would do. When we sing "Hosanna" we ask that God would break our hearts for what breaks His. We should hate sin consistently and just try to steer clear from it. Hanging around brothers like Peter Pak who has realized all of this and has experience dealing with it in the right way has made me a lot more easy-going about the way I'm treated sometimes. Sometimes I make up things in my head and let them bother me. Other times it can be someone else. But why let it linger? I know that there is spiritual warfare. I know there is a world bigger than this. And most importantly, I know that there is a world beyond this. Let's grow up I guess. Sorrow is inevitable, I know. But I am so free. Did I forget how free I am? To run and all of that good stuff. Our attention span is so small anyway. It's not worth it. The greatest gift about knowing God is being able to see sin more visibly than the people it uses as puppets. That's what makes commands like "Life a life filled with love for others" easier to understand. This is why time with God alone is just as imperative as the "fellowship stuff." God repairs and clarifies.

Lately I've been thinking a bit about suffering. I'm not in a depression, but I have suffered. It brings sadness. I think it's an inevitable element of our lives. Seeing that the only holy person there was suffered and didn't deserve it, it's only logical that the people who do actually get it. It's funny because for some reason I think people have this idea that once one is found in Christ, through growth faith suffering will slowly disappear. To quote a theologian from The Princess Bride, my response is:

"Life is Pain, and anyone who tells you otherwise is trying to sell you something"

It's a pretty dark quote by itself but has a lot of truth to it. We will suffer. But we can suffer for our failures or we can suffer for what is right. My God suffered for what was right. I've been thinking lately if I have. 2 Years ago my pastor mentioned in a sermon "For some reason people think that if they're a good Christian, they will be the type of person that everybody likes or at least respects. Where did this come from?" I ask myself "When did you think that believing in the one thing that everyone by nature hates and tries to avoid would get you a world full of friends? Who told you that? Why do you shoot for this non-conflict image? Being a follower in Christ isn't being in the Peace Corps...it's not about being a douche either...people will like you and people will not like you. I guess the question is am I okay with people not liking me because of Christ. Jesus was not a "Universalist." He came here and said "I am the ONLY way, the ONLY truth and the ONLY life, no one's going anywhere except through me." People found that so offensive. But look what he did for me. Do I feel this need to convince those who dislike me that there is a God because I want them to know the only saving truth in life or to justify my sorry ass? Will I suffer for the king? Or do I just keep stumbling from my own greed? 'Cause that's what it all comes down to when I think about my sin.

For it is better, if God should will it so, that you suffer for doing what is right rather than for doing what is wrong. -1 Peter 3:17