Twenty Years Old

Feels weird to be this old. Since I hit 18, I was waiting for a year in which I would genuinely feel different. I wasn't satisfied until this year. I was listening to "Let That Be Enough" by Switchfoot all yesterday just because of that line "It's my birthday tomorrow." I've really grown to appreciate the type of work and honesty Jon Foreman puts into his music and in a way or two I idolize his vulnerability. I think God asks such a level of openness from all of us so I guess I really just enjoy hearing his testimony scattered throughout his songs.

I woke up and went to get free pancakes with some friends at a local IHOP. It was pretty fun and also pretty tasty. I'm getting kinda fat and I need to take some proactive steps towards changing that. I don't want to be that guy who you see progressively gets humongous as the years go by without even knowing it. It's not so much about the image as it is about the health problems I'd rather avoid in the future. Wow, that was a big thought tangent. At any rate, I got back to campus to sleep through my Contemporary Art class and plop my butt down in my room. Being alone is really a bad thing for me. Sometimes it is, but sometimes it's dangerous. I threw my early afternoon away to Satan and got back on the horse when Sean came by to get some food. I guess I've learned a couple of things this year that I would like to hold onto. I've learned how to not think too much into things, but to also be thoughtful when it's necessary. I've also learned how to make time worthwhile and eliminate hours wasted looking at the clock in paranoia. I want to grab this new year and run with the things that I've learned. There definitely is something to being 20.

This Year's Seam
That teenage boy is around the corner.
That teenage boy has left my eye.
That teenage boy is now a foreigner.
That teenage boy is left to die.
And deep within his bone marrow
Flowed lessons that he will keep
Stubborn as Moses' Pharaoh
He kept them caged under his feet

And oh,
My heart says this is new stepping ground
My heart says I'm ready to leave
My heart says I'm ready to sweat it out
No daily routine

My life gets the best of my soul
And I stand unclean.
But this life is like grey, torn army socks
And my hero is the seam.

This teenage boy always struggled.
This teenage boy always will.
This teenage boy's voice is subtle
This teenage boy yearns to yell.
And putting off all the distractions
He sits home in the dark.
Refusing to take actions
On demons that shape his heart.

And oh,
My heart says this is new stepping ground
My heart says I'm ready to leave
My heart says I'm ready to sweat it out
No daily routine

My life gets the best of my soul
And I stand unclean.
But this life is like grey, torn army socks
And my hero is the seam.

With my toe peeping through the hole in these socks
I swear I'll leave.

No hoax will take a hold of these thoughts
When I share and lead.

And I've been hitting my stick on rocks
To get them to speak.

But it's time for me to stop my talk
And breathe.
You breathe in me.

Oh,
This heart has festered

Oh,
This soul has festered

Oh,
This tongue has festered

I'm a tarnished ghost.